Someday I'm Going To Go Onstage In

It Was The Worst Moment Of My Life. The Producer Came Up And Talked Me Back Into Going On Stage.

A Closet Full Of Wire Hangers Can Be The Most Dangerous Place In The World.

My Sisters Said, Why Do You Make Those Faces? You Make Yourself So Ugly.

Outsiders Develop Humor As A Defense; Why Do You Think Most Comedians Are Gay Or Jewish?

I Can't Even Get Three Weeks Off To Have Cosmetic Surgery.