Next Time I See You, Remind Me

Next Time I See You, Remind Me Not To Talk To You.

Each Morning When I Open My Eyes I Say To Myself: I, Not Events, Have The Power To Make Me Happy Or Unhappy Today.

No One Is Completely Unhappy At The Failure Of His Best Friend.

When Discovered By His Wife, Kissing The Maid, Groucho Said, "i Was Just Whispering In Her Mouth"

Ever Since They Found Out That Lassie Was A Boy, The Public Has Believed The Worst About Hollywood