My Body's In Such Bad Shape I

I Have Nothing Against Dogs. I Just Hate Rugs That Go Squish-squish.

I Was In A Beauty Contest Once. I Not Only Came In Last, I Was Hit In The Mouth By Miss Congeniality.

It's An Ill Will That Blows When You Leave The Hairdresser.

Your Husband Is Lazy If The Directions On His Medicine Say, "a Teaspoon Before Going To Bed," And In One Day He Uses Seven Bottles.

You Know You're Old If They Have Discontinued Your Blood Type.