You Know You're Old When Your Walker

If It Weren't For My Adam's Apple, I'd Have No Shape At All.

A Terrible Thing Happened To Me Last Night Again—nothing.

I've Tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, T'ai Chi, Feng Shui And Deepak Chopra But I Find Straight Gin Works Best.

I Always Wondered How I Could Tell When The Right One Came Along - But It Was Easy. He Was The Only One That Came Along.

When I Go To Bed At Night, I've Got So Much Grease On My Body I Wear Snow Chains To Hold Up My Gown.