Martha Stewart Was Found Guilty On All

Republicans Are Now Saying That Dan Rather Should Lose His Job Because He Misled The Country With Bogus Information. Which Is Odd Because The Democrats Are Saying The Exact Same Thing About President Bush.

A Survey Released Today Found That Men Spend Twice As Much On Their Mistresses For Christmas As They Do On Their Wives. On The Other Hand, Men Spend Half Their Income On The Wives When The Wife Finds Out About The Mistress. So It All Balances Out.

Oscar Nominations Came Out Today. Up For Best Actor, Sean Penn For 'mystic River,' Jude Law For 'cold Mountain,' And Of Course, George W. Bush For 'iraqi Weapons Of Mass Destruction.'

As You Know President Bush Has Been Traveling Around The Country Trying To Sell His New Social Security Plan. He Wants To Take Our Retirement Money And Invest It In The Stock Market. He Says Nothing Can Go Wrong. I'll Mention That To Martha Stewart The Next Time I See Her.

The Big Rumor Going Around Is, We May Begin Bombing Iraq. Or, As The White House Calls It, Operation Keep Enron Off The Front Page.