I've Never Been Prudish.

I Still Can't Set Up The Ironing-board. A Complete Luddite.

I Have A Fear Of Poverty In Old Age. I Have This Vision Of Myself Living In A Skip And Eating Cat Food. It's Because I'm Freelance, And I've Never Had A Proper Job. I Don't Have A Pension, And My Savings Are Dwindling. I Always Thought Someone Would Just Come Along And Look After Me.

I've Just Got Crap Hair. Although I Inherited A Lot Of Stuff From My Dad, Including Giant Knees, I Didn't Get His Good, Thick Hair. I Got My Mother's Thin, Wispy, Non-event Hair Instead.

Without Fake Tan I Have The Skin Tones Of A Dead Jellyfish.

People Often Ask Why Comedy Is Harder For Women, And The Reason Is Because A Tampon Will Sometimes Fall Out When You're On Stage. Blokes Don't Have That Worry.