I Only Do A Show When There's

Nothing In Life Is Fun For The Whole Family. There Are No Massage Parlors With Ice Cream And Free Jewelry.

I Prefer The Old Theaters Because The Audience Is... Trapped.

I Don't Return Fruit. Fruit's A Gamble. I Know That Going In.

Introducing 'lite': The New Way To Spell 'light'; But With Twenty Per Cent Fewer Letters.

The Olympics Is My Favourite Sporting Event. Although I Have A Problem With That Silver Medal. When You Think About It, You Win The Gold - You Feel Good, You Win The Bronze - You Think, 'well At Least I Got Something'. But When You Win Silver, It's Like, 'congratulations, You 'almost' Won. Of All The Losers, You Came In First Of That Group. You're The Number One 'loser.' No One Lost Ahead Of You.