How Would It Be If We Discovered

55% Of All Americans Lose Their Remote Control 5 Times A Week. That Means That They Must See The Same Show For Up To 3-4 Minutes A Time!

Al Jazeera Aired A New Tape Of Osama Bin Laden. It Was The Usual Stuff, He Called Bush Evil, The Great Satan, Called Him A War Monger. Basically, The Same Thing You Heard At Last Night's Democratic Debate.

Kentucky Fried Chicken.. Kfc... Keep Fooling Customers.

Martha Stewart Was Found Guilty On All Charges. You Know What That Means, Stripes Are In This Year.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Has Still Not Officially Bowed Out Of This Race. It Looks Like He's Not Gonna Run. But I'll Tell Ya, If Arnold Does Run, He Better Get On The Ballot, Because You Don't Want A Write-in With A Name Like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Because People Will Go - 'schwarz, Schwarz, Oh Davis Is Easier.'