Everything My Mother Made Had To Cook

My Brother Is The Youngest Member Of The College Of Physicians And Surgeons. And I Wouldn't Let Him Cut My Nails.

The Other Day My House Caught Fire. My Lawyer Said, "shouldn't Be A Problem. What Kind Of Coverage Do You Have?" I Said, "fire And Theft." The Lawyer Frowned. "uh Oh. Wrong Kind. Should Be Fire Or Theft."

If You Stop And Think About It, Nearly All Great Humor Is At The Expense Of Someone Or Something.

When I Was In The Hospital They Gave Me Apple Juice Every Morning, Even After I Told Them I Didn't Like It. I Had To Get Even. One Morning, I Poured The Apple Juice Into The Specimen Tube. The Nurse Held It Up And Said, 'it's A Little Cloudy.' I Took The Tube From Her And Said, 'let Me Run It Through Again,' And Drank It. The Nurse Fainted.

There's Nobody To Believe In Anymore, Nobody To Trust.