You Know Who Must Be Very Secure

Well, It Looks Like John Boehner Will Be The New Speaker Of The House. He Is The Son Of A Bartender, One Of 12 Children. He Grew Up In A Two Room Home With Just One Bathroom, Worked His Way Through School, Became The First Person In His Family To Graduate From College. And, Sadly, Fell In With The Wrong Crowd And Wound Up In Congress.

Anheuser-busch Gives Two Free Cases Of Beer To Its Employees At All Of Its Parks, Like Busch Gardens. That's A Comforting Thought The Next Time You're Getting Ready To Get On The Roller Coaster!

A Survey Has Shown That The Average Man Has Had Sex In A Car 15 Times. Something To Keep In Mind Next Time You're Looking For A Used Car.

We Are In A Code Orange. Homeland Security Said Earlier Today That Everyone Should Have A Roll Of Duct Tape And Plastic Sheeting To Protect Your House In Event Of Terrorist Attacks. Who Came Up With This Idea? Macgyver?

Of Course With John Mccain Out Of The Race, George W. Bush Has To Pick A Running Mate. Which Is Kind Of A Scary Proposition When You Think About It. I Mean His Dad Picked Dan Quayle, An He Isn't As Smart As His Dad.