You Ever Read A Book That Changed

I Initially Signed Up For Twitter Just To Do Jokes I Wasn't Going To Do In My Stand-up Routine.

There's A Certain Balance Between Finding An Opportunity To Do What You Really Enjoy And Getting Caught Up In The Flattery Of People Wanting You To Do Things.

Whenever You Correct Someone's Grammar Just Remember That Nobody Likes You.

Do You Ever Leave A Message For Somebody And The Answering Machine Cuts You Off, And You Have To Decide Whether You Should Not Call Back, Or Call Back And Appear Like A Stalker? "hi. It's Me Again. I Forgot To Tell You That I'm Going To Kill You. Because I'm The Freak Who Keeps Calling And Calling."

But Truly, Women Are Amazing. Think About It This Way: A Woman Can Grow A Baby Inside Her Body. Then A Woman Can Deliver The Baby Through Her Body. Then, By Some Miracle, A Woman Can Feed A Baby With Her Body. When You Compare That To The Male’s Contribution To Life, It’s Kind Of Embarrassing, Really.