When I Started In Canada, I Just

Compared To Politics, I Think Sports Is Funnier, Because It's Inconsequential. And Politics Can Be Real Important And All That. The More Pointless Something Is, The Funnier It Is, You Know? And The More Grave Or Important Things Are... You Know, Some Comedians Can Get This Disease Where They Get Serious All The Time.

Hypocrisy Is The Outward Acknowledgment Of Inward Shame.

In Estimating The Adversities Of Life, We Would Seldom Have Much Reason To Complain Of The Evils We Suffer, Did We Understand The Dangers We Daily Escape.

I Always Told Everybody The Perfect Joke Would Be Where The Setup And Punch Line Were Identical.

There Are Two Things Which A Man Should Scrupulously Avoid: Giving Advice That He Would Not Follow, And Asking Advice When He Is Determined To Pursue His Own Opinion.