Tomorrow's Just Your Future Yesterday.

Alcohol Ruined Me Financially And Morally, Broke My Heart And The Hearts Of Too Many Others. Even Though It Did This To Me And It Almost Killed Me And I Haven't Touched A Drop Of It In Seventeen Years, Sometimes I Wonder If I Could Get Away With Drinking Some Now. I Totally Subscribe To The Notion That Alcoholism Is A Mental Illness Because Thinking Like That Is Clearly Insane.

Some People Watching Cnn Were So Shocked They Started Rioting. No, I'm Kidding. No One Watches Cnn.

Halloween's Eve Is Also Known As Mischief Night. Kids Are Supposed Go Around Playing Pranks Tonight. That's Great, Just What Teenagers Need -- Another Excuse To Be Jerks.

In Los Angeles On Black Friday, A Woman Pepper Sprayed Wal-mart Shoppers Who Tried To Cut In Line. The Police Acted Fast By Immediately Hiring Her To Get Rid Of Peaceful Protesters Outside Banking Institutions All Across The United States.

I Do A Public Access Show With Puppets. Puppets Called Actors, Tv And Movie Stars.