The World Is Full Of Horrible Things.

I Love Austin, But Last Time I Was In Town For Twelve Hours. I Was Exhausted, Drunk And Miserable. But None Of That Was Austin's Fault.

We Just Found Out My Little Brother Has A Peanut Allergy, Which Is Very Serious I Know. But Still I Feel Like My Parents Are Totally Overreacting - They Caught Me Eating A Tiny Little Bag Of Airline Peanuts And They Kicked Me Out Of His Funeral.

About A Year After I Moved To Los Angeles, I Decided I Wanted To Be A Joke Writer For A Late Night Talk Show. So I Met With A Late Night Joke Writer And He Told Me That I Should Start By Doing Stand-up Comedy, Because That Would Really Hone My Sense Of Humor And Joke Writing Ability. Eventually I Took A Stand-up Class And A Few Months Later I Had A Seven-minute Act.

Yeah We're Not Together Anymore. She Has Got - She Has Got A New Boyfriend Now. They Just Moved Into Together. And I've Heard Rumors That He Is Abusive, Which Makes You Want To Go Over There With A Baseball Bat. And Then Blame It On Her Boyfriend.

What Do They Call That Hat Jewish Guys Always Wear? A Yankees Cap.