Self-pity Shortens Your Life.

My Sex Life Is So Bad, My G-spot Has Been Declared A Historical Landmark.

Every Time I Get On An Airplane I Figure It's Gonna Get Blown Up. You Live On The Edge.

My Body Is A Temple, And My Temple Needs Redecorating.

I Will Only Praise Someone Who Can't Take Anything Away From Me.

I Adore My Apartment In New York. It Was A Ballroom That I Remade, So It's Like A Loft But Done By Louis The Fifteenth.