Racecar Driving Is A Lot Like Sex;

There Is A Nationwide Shortage Of Drugs For Attention Deficit Disorder. The Fda Says They're Not Sure How It Happened. I Guess Somebody Wasn't Paying Attention.

I'm Glad The Government Has Shut Down. Think About It, For The First Time In Years It's Safe To Talk On The Phone And Send Emails Without Anybody Listening In.

I Wanted To Have A Career In Sports When I Was Young, But I Had To Give Up The Idea. I'm Only Six Feet Tall, So I Couldn't Play Basketball. I'm Only 190 Pounds, So I Couldn't Play Football, And I Have 20/20 Vision, So I Couldn't Be A Referee.

Give A Man A Fish And He Will Eat For A Day. Teach A Man To Fish And He Will Eat For A Lifetime. Teach A Man To Create An Artificial Shortage Of Fish And He Will Eat Steak.

Chris Christie Won By Such A Wide Margin That Pundits Say This Will Give Him The Impetus He Needs To Run For President. And He's Got A New Slogan: 'put The Oval In The Oval Office.'