Pugnacity Is A Form Of Courage, But

Every Compulsion Is Put Upon Writers To Become Safe, Polite, Obedient, And Sterile. In Protest, I Declined Election To The National Institute Of Arts And Letters Some Years Ago, And Now I Must Decline The Pulitzer Prize.

When Audiences Come To See Us Authors Lecture, It Is Largely In The Hope That We'll Be Funnier To Look At Than To Read.

Cure The Evils Of Democracy By The Evils Of Fascism! Funny Therapeutics! I've Heard Of Their Curing Syphilis By Giving The Patient Malaria, But I've Never Heard Of Their Curing Malaria By Giving The Patient Syphilis.

Since Dictating The Bible, And Hiring A Perfect Race Of Ministers To Explain It, God Has Never Done Much But Creep Around And Try To Catch Us Disobeying It.

You've Been Telling Us About How To Secure Peace, But Come On, Now, General-just Among Us Rotarians And Rotary Anns-'fess Up! With Your Great Experience, Don't You Honest, Cross-your-heart, Think That Perhaps-just Maybe-when A Country Has Gone Money-mad, Like All Our Labor Unions And Workmen, With Their Propaganda To Hoist Income Taxes, So That The Thrifty And Industrious Have To Pay For The Shiftless Ne'er-do-weels, Then Maybe, To Save Their Lazy Souls And Get Some Iron Into Them, A War Might Be A Good Thing? Come On, Now, Tell Your Real Middle Name, Mong General!