President James Garfield Could Write In Latin

Valentines Day Are Coming Up And A German Company Has Made Chokolate In Shapes Of Couples Making Love. I Don't Like Them... I Don't Want My Chokolate To Have More Fun Than Me.

Is It Me Or Is President Bush's Life Starting To Sound Like A Country Song. He's From Texas, His Dog Just Died, And It Looks Like He Might Lose His Job. Next Thing, His Truck Is Going To Break Down.

The Sacramento Bee Is Reporting That Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Not Going To Run For Governor. You Know What Would Be Better? Arnold Should Do What He Does In The Terminator Movies. He Should Go Back In Time And Prevent Gray Davis From Ever Being Born. That Way You Wouldn't Have The Problem.

The Iraqis Sat Down For Talks On How To Put Together A Post-war Government. They Would Have Sat Down Yesterday, But Somebody Stole All Their Couches.

The Washington Bullets Are Changing Their Name. They Don't Want Their Team To Be Associated With Crime. From Now On, They'll Just Be Known As The Bullets.