My Name Has Zero Value.

Everybody's Funny In Different Ways.

I Get The Impression The English Kings Were Witty, For Some Reason. I Feel Like All You Had Was Your Wit.

For The Most Part, Comedians Are Pretty Friendly With Each Other. They Always Say They Badmouth Each Other, But Most Of The Time, They're Friends. We're The Only Ones That Can Really Stand Our Type Of Humor.

The Thing That Drives Me Crazy Is When Comics Say 'i Have Low Self-esteem.' No You Don't. You're Standing On Stage Asking People To Pay. You Don't Play An Instrument. You Want People To Pay To Hear What's In Your Mind. You Don't Have Low Self-esteem. You Might Have Other Problems.

I've Been To Japan, I've Been To China, I've Been To Africa, I've Been To The Middle East, I've Been To Europe A Little Bit. I've Never Been To South America.