Modesty Is Not One Of My Virtues.

If You Stop And Think About It, Nearly All Great Humor Is At The Expense Of Someone Or Something.

Banks Have A New Image. Now You Have 'a Friend,' Your Friendly Banker. If The Banks Are So Friendly, How Come They Chain Down The Pens?

It's Not Easy Being A Father, But I've Been Allowed A Comeback.

That's The Great Thing About New Year's, You Get To Be A Year Older. For Me, That Wasn't Such A Joke, Because My Birthday Was Always Around This Time. When I Was A Kid, My Father Used To Tell Me That Everybody Was Celebrating My Birthday. That's What The Trees Are All About.

One Thing I've Never Said In My Whole Life Is, 'let's Have Dinner At A Japanese Restaurant.'