Life Is A Near-death Experience.

Life Is A Series Of Dogs.

I've Never Been Quarantined. But The More I Look Around The More I Think It Might Not Be A Bad Idea.

When Something Is 'new And Improved', Which Is It? If It's New, Then There Has Never Been Anything Before It. If It's An Improvement, Then There Must Have Been Something Before It.

I've Begun Worshipping The Sun For A Number Of Reasons. First Of All, Unlike Some Other Gods I Could Mention, I Can See The Sun. It's There For Me Every Day. And The Things It Brings Me Are Quite Apparent All The Time: Heat, Light, Food, And A Lovely Day. There's No Mystery, No One Asks For Money, I Don't Have To Dress Up, And There's No Boring Pageantry. And Interestingly Enough, I Have Found That The Prayers I Offer To The Sun And The Prayers I Formerly Offered To "god" Are All Answered At About The Same 50% Rate.

Medical Researchers Have Discovered A New Disease That Has No Symptoms. It Is Impossible To Detect, And There Is No Known Cure. Fortunately, No Cases Have Been Reported Thus Far.