It's Not Called Cocaine Any More. It's

Jesse Jackson Was Involved In A Three-car Crash This Weekend. I Understand That No One Was Hurt, But I Understand That Two Of The Women In The Other Cars Are Now Pregnant.

The Fda Is Now Warning People Not To Eat Raw Cookie Dough This Holiday Season. Is That How Fat We're Getting In This Country? Our Ovens Are Too Slow Now?

More Warnings Issued By All Branches Of The Government Today That Another Terrorist Attack Is Imminent. We're Not Sure When, We're Not Sure Where, Just That It Is Coming. Who Is Attacking Us Now, The Cable Company?

A Dead Body Was Discovered This Week On The Grounds Of A Country Estate Owned By Queen Elizabeth. The Queen Said Today She Hopes This Serves As A Reminder To Anybody On Her Staff That There Is A Right Way And A Wrong Way To Polish Sterling Silver.

They Said That President Bush's War In Iraq Has Cost The Former Spanish Prime Minister His Job. So President Bush Isn't Losing American Jobs Anymore, He's Branching Out To Other Countries.