If You Grow Up Fat, You Have

Stop…stop, That’s The Next Generation Of Fans… How Dare You Pass Judgment On Those 12-year-old Girls Who Like Vampires! They Need To Be Encouraged Because In Six Years They’ll Be 18-year-old Girls Who Like Vampires And Are Into All Sorts Of Goth-permissive And Whatnot. Don’t Poo-poo It. There’s A Plan, And It’s Working.

My Father Taught Me To Weigh My Words Carefully, And Speak Up Only When I Had Something Insightful To Add To The Proceedings, Or Something Really Funny To Say. He Also Taught Me That If I Couldn’t Be That Kind Of Guy In Real Life, That I Could Earn A Healthy Living Pretending To Be That Guy In The Movies – Particularly When Paired Up With A Long Haired Stoner.

Why Take Life Seriously? No One Gets Out Alive Anyways.

My Job Is To Say, 'this Is How I See The World. Do You Agree?'

So Often, Over The Course Of Our Day-to-days, We Forget The Details Of What Shapes Us Most In Life. Sure, We'll Pay Through The Nose To Have Our Weddings Videotaped, But Can We Say The Same Thing About The First Time We Discovered Masturbation, Or The Moment We Realized That The True Nature Of The Opposite Sex Is To Lie And Humiliate (and I'm Not Just Talking About Women Here)? Usually Not.