I Was Not An Attractive Child.

No Man Will Ever Put His Hand Up Your Dress Looking For A Library Card.

Mick Jagger Could French-kiss A Moose. He Has Child-bearing Lips.

I Have No Boobs Whatsoever. On My Wedding Night My Husband Said, 'let Me Help You With Those Buttons' And I Told Him, 'i'm Completely Naked'.

I Got A Waterbed, But My Husband Stocked It With Trout.

Moving On Is A Gift You Give Yourself.