I Think Jews Tend To Hold Me

I Commend You On All You've Done For Peta, Wrestling The One-eyed Trouser Snake With Your Bare Hands, Gently Cuddling It In Your Arms, And Nurturing It Back To Health.

I Looked Up And Saw The Shape Of A Heart Made By The Silhouette Of Ben Affleck And Matt Damon Kissing.

Someone On Twitter Sent Me A Page From A Textbook. It Had A Picture Of A Football Player Next To A Picture Of Me. The Juxtaposition Was Meant To Illustrate Two Meanings Of "offensive." Seriously. It Broke My Heart. It's That Accepted What I Do Is Offensive?

Making My Family Laugh When I Was Little - It Became An Addiction. It Was A Kind Of Survival.

I Got Jury Duty And I Didn't Want To Go, So My Friend Said, "you Should Write Something Really Really Racist On The Form When You Return It. Like, You Should Put 'i Hate Chinks'." And I Said, "i'm Not Going To Put That On There Just To Get Out Of Jury Duty. I Don't Want People To Think That About Me." So Instead I Wrote, "i Love Chinks." And Who Doesn't?