I Quite Fancy The 1940s. I Like

So Here Are Some Foolproof Recipes For Those Of You Who Understand The True Function Of Food. Bean Treat: Gingerly Pour Four Fluid Oz Of Beans Or Something Into A Jug. Cry. Eat The Beans From The Jug And Pour The Rest From The Can Down Your Throat. N.b. These Taste Better If They Belong To Somebody Else In Your House. Pain Au Dunk: Fists Of Bread, Rent From The Loaf And Dunked Into Anything Runnier Than Bread. Should Eat At Least Six Of These Because…you Should. Don’t Toast The Bread. Toast Is Cookery.

You're Never Going To Go. Why Would You Go? It's A Disgusting Place. It's Always Wet Even When It's Dry. There's Nothing There. Farmers Aren't Really People, You Know This. They're Just Necessary, We Need Somebody To Kill Cows.

Then You Get These Articles About How Unhealthy Life Is In The City. You Know; Mobile Phone Tumours - Far More Likely In The City. Well You Know What, So Is Everything Else! Including Sex, Coffee And Conversation.

Its Not Easy Being A Man You Know. I Had To Get Dressed Today… And There Are Other Pressures.

I Draw Hundreds And Hundreds Of Pictures Of Sort Of Gnarly Looking Men, So I Don't Know What That Tells You. People Who Look Like... They're Waiting For A Sandwich That's Never Going To Come. I Don't Know What's Wrong With Me.