I Got A Pain In My Chest,

[there's] A Joke That I've Done Forever: 'nowadays They Say That The Largest Majority Of People Will Be Latino And You'll Tell Scary Stories To Your Grandkids: "a Long Time Ago When I Was Growing Up, There Used To Be People Who Were White," And The Kid Says, "really?" And You Say, "yeah, Like The Man Who Cuts Our Grass."' I've Had That Line Forever And I Love It.

Barack Obama May Be Black, But John Mccain Is The First Albino Presidential Candidate: He's Completely See-through!

Immigration Is An Issue Of Global Significance In America. And If You Look At The Terrorist Alerts And Attacks, Latinos [as A Group] Are Not In The Top Five List [for] Terror Alerts.

When We Got Married, We Agreed On A Boy For Me, And A Girl For You. Mine's Upstairs Sleeping. Good Luck With Yours!

I Want To Tell You About A Woman I Have Been Married To For Ten Years, My Wife, Ann, Who Speaking Truthfully, Saved Me From Myself. Who Saved Me From Destroying Myself Because Of My Background. Who Saved Me From Wasting My Life, Drinking My Life Away, Never Fulfilling My Dreams Because Of What I Had Come From, And Truly Believing And Loving - Truly The First Person To Ever Truthfully, Unconditionally Love Me.