I Did Stand-up Comedy For Seventeen Years.

When You're Not In Love, When You Don't Have Love, Everybody You Know Falls In Love.

I Can Do More Than Just Stand-up Comedy, And The Only Way I'll Be Able To Show That Is If I Do It Myself. Because Nobody Trusts That I Can Do It.

Some People Give You That Motivation To Work Harder Simply To Get The Hell Away From Wherever They Are.

If You're 1 Of The 3 Girls In Pics With A Greaseball Whose Arms Are Around You At A Club You Lose At Life. If You're The Greaseball You Win.

I Never Leave A Dog Alone In A Car On A Hot Day. I Make Sure It's With An Elderly Person Holding A Baby.