Hitler Really Wasn't So Bad. In The

My Girlfriend Loves To Eat Chocolate. She's Always Eating Chocolate. And She Likes To Joke She's Got A Chocolate Addiction. You Know, She'd Be Like Keep Me Away From Those Chocolate Bars, I'm Addicted To Them. And It's Really Annoying. So One Day I Put Her In The Car And I Drove Her Downtown And I Pointed Out A Crack Addict. And I Said You See That Honey? Why Can't You Be That Skinny?

I Loved Stephen Wright, And I Loved Mitch Hedberg, But They Seemed Like Geniuses You Could Never Emulate. You'd Just Be Ripping Them Off.

My Girlfriend Asked Me If I Only Love Her For Her Body. I Said No, Baby. Just Parts Of It.

I Do Dark [humor]. I Like People Who Are Silly And Weird And People Who Are Surprising And Good At What They Do.

I Would Love To Dj The Royal Wedding. Just So I Could Play Candle In The Wind Non-stop.