As Soon As You Start Analyzing Comedy

I Think Jersey Stands Alone, And Because I'm From Jersey, I Never Make Fun Of Where People Are From. I'll Make Fun Of What They Look Like, But I'll Never Make Fun Of Where They Are From. Jersey Is Special.

You Have Such A Huge Career ... Behind You.

Do You Want Me To Apologize After Every Joke? If It Doesn't Offend Somebody It's Probably Not A Joke. It's Probably An Observation That's Not Funny. It's Gotta Offend Somebody Somewhere.

My Parents Passed Away When I Was A Teenager, So I Had To Learn Different Survival Techniques, I Think, In Comedy. You Know, Using Comedy As A Pressure Release, As A Release Valve In Life Really Kept My Sanity.

I Would Vote For You For President But I'm Against Big Government.