A Writer's Job Is To Tell The

One Of The Things We Can Be Sure Of Over The July 4th Weekend Is That News Reports Will Keep Telling Us How Many Of Us Are Going To Die In Automobile Accidents.

Bacon Is Clearly A Food Made By The Nazis To Fatten Up Americans. It Has No Nutritional Value, Is Full Of Fat, Sodium, And Nitrates, And Is A Pathetic Type Of Consumable Made From The Noblest Of Creatures.

Once You Pass Forty, A Dime Isn't Worth Bending Over To Pick Up If You Drop One.

Writers Don't Retire. I Will Always Be A Writer.

I've Done A Lot Of Complaining Here, But Of All The Things I've Complained About, I Can't Complain About My Life.