A Comedian Sees The World Bent. I'm

I Have The Gift Of Laughter. I Can Make People Laugh At Will. In Good Times And In Bad. And That I Don't Question. It Was A Gift From God.

Once When I Was Golfing In Georgia, I Hooked The Ball Into The Swamp. I Went In After It And Found An Alligator Wearing A Shirt With A Picture Of A Little Golfer On It.

There Have Always Been Mixed Emotions About Howard Cosell: Some People Hate Him Like Poison; And Other People Just Hate Him Regular.

If It's Dirty, It's Not Funny, But If It's Funny, It's Not Dirty.

At The Sahara, The Seats Are Banked And Most Of The Audience Is Looking Down At The Stage. Everybody In The Business Knows: Up For Singers, Down For Comics. The People Want To Idealize A Singer. They Want To Feel Superior To A Comic. You're Trying To Make Them Laugh. They Can't Laugh At Someone They're Looking Up To.